


this isn't control

by saygoodbyetoyourchildhood



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 13:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1859382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saygoodbyetoyourchildhood/pseuds/saygoodbyetoyourchildhood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke figures it's been two weeks when she hefts the metal stand the empty fluid bags are hanging on over her shoulder and tries to break the glass window.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this isn't control

 

Clarke figures two weeks. 

Two weeks since they’d beaten the grounders only to be taken by the mountain men.  Two weeks of white clothes, food coming through a window in the wall, and no human contact except for her attempts to communicate with Monty across the hall.  Clarke figures two weeks when she hefts the metal stand the empty fluid bags are hanging on over her shoulder and tries to break the glass window.  She thrusts once, twice, three times before pink gas starts to come in through the air vents in her room.  She gets woozy and sees Monty across the hall banging on his door.  She brings the stand up and tries to thrust once more but collapses.

Clarke figures two weeks.  It’s been four days. 

+

She wakes up only to fall back asleep after she blinks a few times.  In her dreams she sees her father and her home but it’s not the Ark.  She sees Charlotte going over the cliff, the grave they buried Wells in, she sees Bellamy and Finn being incinerated and she realizes she’s been drugged.

+

It’s Jasper who gets them out.  Jasper who plays nice, eats all the food off his plate, and downs the pills that come in a little cup without even a moment’s hesitation.  He’s the one the doctors with buzzed heads and white coats come to when they’re ready to talk.   _You’re the most stable_  they say and that makes him blanche but he nods not moving from his seat on the bed.  They come in and sit on the couch, leaving the door open.  He tries to listen as they go on about the military and the government and evacuation plans but  _you’re the most stable_ keeps echoing in his head.

“What about the rest of them?”  Jasper cuts off the man unapologetically and straightens his back trying to appear menacing.  “There was a group of us, what happened to them?”

“They’re fine.  As I was-“ 

“I need more than that.” Jasper cuts him off again.

The man sighs.  “We’re trying to negotiate.”

“Negotiate with Clarke.”   _You’re the most stable._ “Clarke’s our leader.”   _You’re the most stable._ “Talk to her and figure it out.”   _You’re the most stable_.

The doctor he’d been talking to looks at his colleague who pulls out a flat tablet and begins tapping on it.  “What’s Clarke look like?”  The colleague asks.

“Blonde, kind of scratched up, her eyes are...blue, I think.”

“Yes, we are acquainted with her.”  The second man turns the tablet around and Jasper squints at the screen that shows a room identical to his own but Clarke’s in the bed and she looks unconscious and there are needles and tubes sticking out of her arms.  His muscles stiffen.  “She’s quite self-destructive.”  The main doctor says, looking at the tablet as well.  “Not what we would have expected from a leader.”  Jasper nods and stands, looks at them for a moment, then darts out the room into the hall.  He looks both ways and heads to his left another man stands with buzzed hair and a white lab coat in front of a desk.  Jasper launches himself over the desk knocking the man to the ground and hitting him in the face until he stops moving. 

“There aren’t any guards.”  The man he’d been talking to says standing in the hall and cautiously making his way towards him.  “Once they see there’s a threat in the main security room they’ll push a button, send gas through the air vents, and this entire wing will go unconscious.  Just go back to your room.”  Jasper ignores him looking down at the desk where there’s keyboards and levers and on the far right rows of numbers with buttons next to them, all are red except one that’s green and he takes a chance pushing down all the red buttons and sure enough doors all over the hall begin to slid open just as pink gas begins to come through the air vents.  The men don’t bother trying to stop him; instead they sit down waiting for the gas to take effect.  Jasper’s looking at the faces of everyone and sees Raven, then Miller, Evan, Monty, and-

“Monty!”  He shouts. 

“Cover your mouths!”  Miller is shouting pulling up his shirt to cover his mouth.  He looks around, makes eye contact with Jasper and seems to understand instantly what’s happened.  He finds the man Jasper had knocked unconscious and pats his clothes until he finds a keycard.  “Follow me!”  Miller starts down the hall and everyone’s following him, shirts over their faces, they’re stumbling but they’re holding onto each other.

“Monty!”  Jasper shouts again running down the hall to where he’d seen him. 

“In here!”  Monty’s gasping as he bends over the bed and Jasper sees Clarke and reaches forward as well pulling the needles out of the inside of her wrist and lifting her between them.  They’re in the back of the group holding Clarke between them and Jasper trips his mind going cloudy but then Raven’s next to him pulling him through the door.

+

“We’ve been circling this damn mountain for a week.”  Bellamy grumbles kicking at rocks.

“Tracks end here.”  Finn says, fingers tracing along the ground.  “There has to be something, a hatch, a trail, something.”  Bellamy shakes his head and looks at the sky.  “Why are you so hurried to write everyone off?”  Finn snaps, not for the first time since the two of them had been separated from everyone else.  “Just because Octavia’s not with them doesn’t mean you can-“

“Don’t try and say I don’t care because I do.”  Bellamy shoots back.  “I’m not...trying to be difficult.”  He says the aggression melting from his voice.  “I just feel helpless.”  He kicks again at the rocks, which then hit the side of the mountain and it clangs.  Finn freezes.  Bellamy looks at him then kicks rocks at the mountain again.  It clangs.  Finn jumps over the branches and Bellamy falls to his knees and claws at the side of the mountain finding a crack and pulling open the metal door that had been camouflaged with rocks and leaves.  

+

They make it out of the hall stumbling and woozy.  Clarke’s still unconscious, hanging between Jasper and Monty.  More smoke comes through the vents.

“What’s going on?”  Jasper shouts to Raven.

 “There’s too many of us!”  She yells, shirt hiked up over her nose.  “They don’t have guards they rely on the gas and if we keep rushing them back we can make it!”  She’s barely finished her sentence when everything goes dark.

“They killed the lights!”  Someone shouts and Monty reaches over pulling Clarke’s shirt over her nose.

+

Bellamy starts his way in but Finn grabs his arm.  “Shouldn’t we make a plan?”

“I have a plan: hit them before they know we’re here.”  Bellamy reaches to climb in again but Finn puts his arm in front of him.

“Do you hear that?” 

+

"Left or right?”  Evan’s breathing hard looking to Miller.  The rest of the group is coming up behind them quickly and traces of pink are beginning to creep through the air vents. 

"I don’t know.”  Miller mutters frustrated going a couple paces down the right hall but it’s completely black and he can’t see anything.

“There’s light a way down the left!”  Evan shouts over to him and Miller glances down the right once more.  He can feel the gas starting to make it’s way into his lungs so he makes the call.

“Left!”

+

“I don’t hear anything.”  Bellamy says looking at Finn intently.  “What do you hear?” 

“Shouting.”  Finn leans deeper into the hatch and Bellamy swings his gun around pointing it down.  “I can see someone.”  Finn pulls back from the hatch and Bellamy puts his finger on the trigger but the gun’s knocked out of his hands before he can fire.

+

“Why are we stopping?”  Raven shouts up the group leaning against the wall and blinking furiously trying to keep her eyes open.

“There’s a ladder!”  Someone yells back.

“We’re not going to make it.”  Monty says looking at Jasper his face worried.

“Yeah we are.”  Jasper pulls Clarke’s arm from around him and pushes Raven into his place and begins to shove through everyone.

+

“Oh my god.”  Miller’s on top of Bellamy hands pushing his shoulders into the ground.

“What the hell?”  Bellamy laughs pushing Miller off him and he looks to the hatch where more people are clambering up, all barefoot and clad in white.  He then looks at Finn who’s grinning as well.

+

Jasper reaches the front and shamelessly grabs the next boy in line around the waist and lifts him four rungs off the ground so that he can climb faster.

“Come on!”  He shouts pushing his hand against the back of the boy’s thigh.  “Faster!”  He grabs the next person and starts pushing them up the ladder as well.

+

“Finn,” Bellamy grabs him by the shirt and pushes him towards the forest.  “Lead them back to the dropship,” he nods his head to the four teenagers standing, breathing hard and stumbling.  “We’ll take the rear.”  He looks at Miller who nods dropping to his stomach next to the hatch and swinging his arm down so he can pull people up. 

+

The next two are Daphne and Margie and Margie’s unconscious hanging off of Daphne who’s struggling under the added weight.  Jasper curses and grabs her around the waist climbing the ladder and pulling her up with him.  He looks down the hall when he’s reaching the top of the ladder and through the dimly lit tunnel he can see pink smoke beginning to flood the area.  A hand’s in front of his face and he grabs Margie’s wrist putting it in the hand then pushing her up.  A second hand is in front of his face and Jasper takes it looking up.  “Bellamy?”

+

“Come on, Clarke.”  Raven groans as they reach the bottom of the ladder.  She grabs her chin and slaps her across the face and Clarke stirs but she still doesn’t open her eyes.  Monty starts climbing then misses a step and begins to fall back but then someone grabs his shirt, pulling him up.  Raven begins to climb dragging Clarke behind her.  “Not leaving you behind.”  Raven grunts.  “So please wake up.”

+

“You’re alive.”  Monty’s hugging Bellamy now as Miller and Jasper pull Raven, then Clarke out of the hatch. 

“We’re the last ones.”  Raven gasps.  “Close it.”  Miller slams it then stands.  Monty’s breathings back to normal and he and Jasper pull Clarke in between him again.  Bellamy grabs her chin and she blinks slowly.

“Way to be unconscious during the rescue.”  She slurs something and he laughs picking up Margie from where she was laying on the ground, eyes still closed. 

“We’ve got to move.”  He says it seriously, although there’s still a wide grin on his face.

+

“How’d you manage it?”  Bellamy asks later once they’re all back by the dropship, hidden behind the now destroyed wall.  He’s kneeling in front of Clarke who’s carefully picking splinters out of her bloodied feet. 

“Jasper.”  She says and he turns to look at Jasper who’s with Miller going through the weapons that Bellamy and Finn had managed to salvage after the grounder attack.  He doesn’t bother to hide his fond smile.  

“What happened in there?”  Bellamy asks lowering his voice and turning back to her.

“Nothing.”  Clarke shrugs looking past him. 

“Clarke.”  He looks at her with a desperation to understand.  “You were one of the only ones unconscious.  You can tell me.”

“I am telling you.”  She moves her gaze to meet his.  “Nothing happened.  They just kept us and...that, that’s it.”  Bellamy nods and stands processing the information.

“I’m going to find you a jacket.” 

+

Clarke checks the bin in the dropship that holds salvaged clothing and manages to find a pair of pants and a pair of boots.  The pants fit her hips but the length is too long and when Bellamy finds her she’s standing in a pair of underwear from Mt. Weathers, eyebrows drawn in as she slowly cuts off inches from the bottom with a borrowed homemade knife.

“We’ll have to find clothes for everybody.”  He says, coughing first to alert her to his presence.

“I know.”  Clarke says not looking up.  “We should be able to make some sort of temporary shoe out of bark and maybe roots to tie it.”  He nods tapping his knuckles on the side of the dropship.

“So they healed everybody.”  He tries.  “Saw Raven walking and a nasty cut Miller got has stiches.  You all look healthy too; they must have been feeding you pretty well.”  Clarke nods but doesn’t speak.  “Why’d you all run from it?”  He says and she finally looks up from her pants. 

“We were in solitary.”  She says it as though that’s an obvious explanation but something on Bellamy’s face tells her it’s not and she can't bite back the harsh laugh that escapes.  “You don’t know.  You’ve forgotten.  You were never arrested.  You weren’t imprisoned knowing the day you would die, you weren’t kept in a room alone and then set free only to be captured again.  You may be one of our leaders, but you’re not one of us.”  Clarke knows she’s being cruel and she knows this will gnaw at her for weeks but she can’t stop herself because she  _broke_ in there and she needs him to understand why. 

Bellamy takes a step back, and he wants to lash out at her but stops himself.  Octavia’s gone and there’s something different in Clarke’s eyes, something that scares him and he can’t bring himself to talk to her any longer.

+

Clarke does a headcount that night.

There’s forty-six of them left.

+

“Leaving would be more trouble than it’s worth.”  Clarke says in lieu of a greeting to Bellamy the next morning.

“Yeah.”  He swallows and doesn’t meet her eyes. 

“That means we have to build a home here, a real one.  We have to carve out our territory, get more weapons, be ready to take on mountain men, reapers, grounders, we have to be ready for anything.”  He nods.

“I’ll get a group started on fortifying the wall and tunnels.”

“I’ll take the younger kids, get them started on plotting out the camp.”  She nods, then he nods and they walk past each other in opposite directions.

+

Three days later Finn approaches him.  “Has Clarke been avoiding you?”  Bellamy glances at him briefly before he goes back to rolling fallen logs to the wall. 

“No.”

“But she hasn’t spoken to you?”  Finn presses.

“Hasn’t had need to.”  Bellamy shrugs.

“She’s been avoiding me.”  Finn says eyes darting around.  Bellamy sighs and turns to face him.  He and Finn had been on better terms since the week they'd spent together but while Bellamy respects him he doesn't particularly like him. 

“What’s this got to do with me?”

“I thought,” Finn bites his lip, “I thought it might have something to do with when they blasted the rockets.”

“I don’t understand.”  Bellamy shakes his head slightly staring at him.

“When we were fighting the grounder...Clarke closed the dropship.”

“So?”

“We were still alive, and she closed the dropship.”  Finn repeats and Bellamy closes his eyes briefly, understanding. 

“I’ll talk to her.”   

+

“You got a minute?”  Clarke doesn’t respond and Bellamy steps closer trailing his fingers from her shoulder to her elbow.  “Clarke?”

“Yeah?”  She shifts her weight from one foot to the other.  He stares at her for a moment then looks away and scratches his nose.

“Finn thinks you’re avoiding him because you feel guilty about closing the dropship.”  He says bluntly.  Clarke sucks in the side of her cheek and looks at him.

“Leaders make difficult choices.”  She says wryly.  “I’m a leader.  I made a difficult choice.”  He nods and she turns away.

“Clarke.”  She doesn’t turn back to face him but she doesn’t walk away.  “If you did feel guilty about it, you shouldn’t.  I would’ve made the same call.”

+

With the silence broken Bellamy gathers Raven, Finn, and Jasper outside the wall at Clarke’s request.  She doesn’t bother with greetings instead saying what’s on her mind.  “Anya was taken with us, but she didn’t escape with us.”

“They were probably holding her somewhere else.”   Jasper supplies, leaning against a tree.

“Does it matter?”  Raven asks looking at them.  “We’ve got our own things to worry about it.  I say we just increase watches.  And if they come, we have to be ready.”

“That’s the plan.”  Bellamy says.

“Then why are we here?”  Raven looks at Clarke who shifts uncomfortably.

“The Ark fell, during the grounder attack.  I don’t know where but I was with Melissa when it happened and she said she remembered it falling northwest of camp.”   

“We can get a group together.”  Finn says.  “Scout it out.”

“Actually,” Clarke tilts her head.  “I don’t think we should.”

“What?”  Finn looks at her in disbelief. 

“We’re part of our group first.  Citizens of the Ark second.”  Clarke’s looking at Bellamy when she says it and he nods, agreeing.  “We have to take care of ourselves before anything else.”

“Then it’s settled.”  He says, and leads the group back to camp.

+

Days later Bellamy latches onto Clarke and hauls her past the wall, Finn on their heels.  “What the hell-“

“Jasper’s got his gun on Murphy, I don’t want the others to know.”  Bellamy says in a clipped voice leading them through the forest until they come upon a clearing where, true enough, Murphy is kneeling, hands in the air, a gun on the ground in front of him.  Jasper’s standing over him, gun trained on him and his eyes never leave Murphy’s and his finger never leaves the trigger.

“What are you doing here?”  Finn snaps.  Murphy looks at him derisively and doesn’t say anything.  Clarke picks Murphy’s gun from the ground and looks at Bellamy, who’s staring at the gun in her hands.  She touches under his chin and lifts his head and they look at each other, holding gazes.  Bellamy’s jaw tightens, he nods, and reaches for the gun in Clarke’s hands.

“You’re sure?”  She whispers, keeping his hand over hers. 

“I said I would do it.”  He rubs his thumb over the inside of her wrist and lowers his voice more.  “You took care of Atom, let me take care of this.” 

“What are you doing?”  Finn looks from Bellamy to Clarke to the gun then back to Bellamy.  Clarke grabs Finn’s jacket and pulls him back.  Bellamy steps next to Jasper and without pausing switches the safety and pulls the trigger.  Finn stares at Murphy’s body and Jasper lowers his gun turning to look at Clarke.

“I’ll get a shovel.  We should bury him with the others.”  Jasper says and heads back to camp, seemingly unphased by what happened.

“I told him if he came back I’d kill him.”  Bellamy justifies looking at Finn.  “He shot Raven, he tried to kill Jasper, tried to kill me, and he’d try to kill all of us.”

“We could’ve done something else.”  Finn swallows with difficulty.  Clarke reaches for him and grips his hand.  With her other she reaches for Bellamy and covers the hand that was still holding the gun. 

“Things have changed,” she says quietly, “we have to change to.”

+

 “I got something for you.”  Bellamy intercepts Clarke on her walk from the fire to her tent. 

“You did?”  She says, disbelieving.  “What?”

“Hold out your wrist.”  She doesn’t say anything but complies and Bellamy takes a string of braided roots and ties it around her wrist. A smile spreads across her face and she brings her it up to her eyes to inspect it.  “I,” he stammers slightly, “I used to braid bracelets for Octavia back on the Ark, out of rope, string, I don’t know, she liked them and I thought you’ve been so out of it lately I thought...” he trails off.

“Thanks.”  She takes his hand in his and squeezes it lightly.  “That was really thoughtful.”  He nods then takes a step backward before he continues his walk forwards towards the rest of the group.

+

“How are you doing?”  Clarke asks sitting with Finn a few nights after Murphy.  He shrugs noncommittally.  “I...I know this is going to sound stupid and inappropriate and that I should have more important things to worry about it but I have to clear the air.”  Finn looks at her, expressionless.  “I don’t want to be with you, romantically.  Not now, maybe not ever again.  You hurt me, horribly.”  He swallows but doesn’t say anything.  “But when I closed the dropship door,” she bites her lip and exhales deeply.  “Thinking you were dead tore me up.  You’re my best friend.”  She fumbles for his hand and grips it.  “Tell me you’re okay with that.”  She pleads.  He nods slowly, closing his eyes.  Clarke smiled in relief and stood, kissing him on the forehead before heading to the dropship to turn in for the night.

+

“Bellamy!”  Jasper stops in front of him gasping for breath and grinning.  “You have to get to the fights, Clarke’s fighting!”

“I thought we agreed putting our only medic in practice fights where the point is to get hurt was a stupid idea.”  Bellamy mutters but drops what he’s doing and follows Jasper anyway.  More people than usual are gathered in the clearing they use for training and they’re in a circle.  Jasper pushes his way through, Bellamy following him and repressing a grin at the sight.

Clarke and Theo are facing each other, he’d removed his shirt and they were standing, staring.

“You guys can start whenever.”  Jasper says grinning and clapping Bellamy on the back.

“Clarke,” Finn says in a low voice from across the circle.  “Sure you want to do this?  Who’ll take care of you if you get hurt?”

“C’mon!”  Raven shouts with a grin from next to Bellamy.  “Nothing’s going to happen to her.”

“Where did you come from?”  Bellamy asks looking down at her.  She just laughs and it’s contagious and Bellamy feels his smile widening.

“Come on, Clarke!”  She cheers clapping her hands together.  Theo strikes first, hitting Clarke in the face and Bellamy tenses but she recovers quickly grabbing his hand and bending his wrist backwards.  They stand awkwardly unsure of how much injury they’re supposed to attempt to inflict. 

Bellamy sucks on his bottom lip and says with a raised voice, “I bet my dinner that Clarke loses.”  The crowd quiets and Clarke whips her head around to glare at him.

“I’ll take that.”  Finn says raising his hand from across the circle.  Theo takes advantage of Clarke’s distraction and hits her again but this time she throws her entire weight at him, pushing him to the ground and falling on top of him.  Everyone begins shouting again, taking a sign from Bellamy and making their own bets.

“I can’t believe you bet on Theo.”  Jasper says glancing at him with a look that almost resembled pity.

“I didn’t bet on Theo.  I bet against Clarke.”  Bellamy says smirking slightly as he watches the fight continue.  Clarke pins Theo’s hips beneath her knees and latches her hands onto his wrists slamming them into the dirt.   

“Yeah, well, Clarke’s not even going to beat him nicely now.”  Jasper says wincing as Clarke lifts her right hand to punch Theo in the nose.

“Why do you think I did it?”  Bellamy grins.  Jasper laughs and holds up his hand calling the fight for Clarke.  

+

“Surprised you’re not sulking.”  Bellamy says taking a sip of moonshine then handing the cup to Clarke.  She scoffs at the comment but accepts the drink.  Monty had managed to scrape together a batch of moonshine and almost immediately the first party since the grounder attack had commenced. 

“Everyone knows where we are.  Might as well have fun before someone tries to kill us.”  She takes a swig then cocks her head to the side and passes the cup back to him.  “Again, that is.”  She adds as an afterthought.  He laughs and it’s not mocking or sarcastic but warm and genuine.  They stand next to each other watching Jasper try to balance on a rolling log and Finn spin one of the younger kids, the rest of the group laughing, all acting their age for once.  “Wanna dance?”  She says suddenly.

“Sorry?”  Bellamy chokes on the drink. 

“Want to dance?”  Clarke repeats turning to face him and smiling. 

“With you?”  He asks.  She puts out her hand as an answer and he stares at it.  She rolls her eyes grasping his hand in hers and pulling him closer to the fire where the others are.  She sways for a minute before spinning and lifting her arm.  He looks at her blankly. 

“Spin!”  She laughs and he grins too and spins slowly, bending down to fit under her arm.  He grabs her other hand and bends his elbow pulling her closer to him as they swayed some more.  A giggle bursts out of Clarke and she pulls back to spin again.  She trips over a rock and pulls him with her still laughing.  He starts laughing as well and catches her around the waist.  Clarke quiets down and looks at him but he can barely hold her gaze before she erupts in giggles again.  She tries to spin him again but he hits his head on her arm and falls to the ground pulling her with him.

“How much did you give them?”  Raven asks Monty raising an eyebrow.  Monty glances at the two leaders, rolling in the grass and laughing. 

“One cup.  That they shared.”

+

“Have you seen Daphne?”  Clarke asks appearing suddenly in front of Bellamy by the wall.  “I was going to show her some plants I need collected.”

“I don’t even know who Daphne is.”  He snorts and Clarke huffs.

“What are you doing?”  She asks looking at the scraps of metal on the ground.

“Leftover pieces from the wall, Margie was supposed to take them over to Raven, see if they could be made into knives or something but she disappeared.” 

“I’ll help you with it.”  Clarke drops to her knees scooping up a pile of metal and heading to Raven’s workspace by the dropship, Bellamy behind her.  She lays the metal on the makeshift table and turns to head back to the wall but freezes when she hears twigs snapping behind the dropship.  She moves cautiously, aware of Bellamy’s presence behind her.  “Oh.”  Clarke stops abruptly and blushes.  “There’s Daphne.”

“And Margie.”  Bellamy chokes back a laugh.  Clarke turns and walks into his chest. “Easy, princess.”  He takes her elbow and walks her back towards the front of dropship.  Clarke smiles softly.  “What?”  He asks glancing at her and grinning as well.

“I don’t know.”  She shrugs, her smile widening.  “Horny teenagers, you’re calling me princess, feels like things are getting back to normal.”

“Yeah.  I think they are too.”  He puts his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into him.  She jumps but doesn’t pull away.  

+

“Clarke!  Clarke, look at this!”  Marlene smiles gleefully brandishing a wooden spear.  “I carved it!  Finn helped, but it was mostly me.”  Clarke looks up at the eleven-year-old and smiles.

“Looks great, Marlene.”  She then kneels back down to continue inspecting the scrape across Raven’s thigh.

“I’m going to practice, will you come teach me?”  Marlene’s smile is so wide Clarke doesn’t have the heart to say no.

“Why don’t you ask Bellamy?  He’d be better at it than me.”  Marlene nods and skips out of the dropship.  Raven sniggers.

“What?”  Clarke asks tiredly.

“Nothing.”  She smiles too wide to be innocent.  “Am I good to go, Doc?”

+

“Bellamy!  Look!”  Marlene tugs insistently on his jacket and Bellamy looks down at her smiling slightly.

“What’s up?”

“Finn helped me make a spear!”  She holds it up proudly.  “Well, actually I made it, Finn just told me how.”

“That’s awesome.”  Bellamy grins accepting a gun from Jasper and swinging it across his back.

“Will you show me how to use it?”  She asks excited.

“I...” his shoulders fall, “I can’t right now.  We’re going out to get water.  Why don’t you ask Clarke?”  Marlene bites her lip.

“Clarke told me to ask you.”  

“Get Monty then.  And tomorrow you can show Clarke and me how great you are at it.”  Marlene nods and runs off.  “What?”  Bellamy asks, turning to look expectantly at Jasper who’s holding back laughter. 

“Back on the Ark, my mom would always say ask your dad, and my dad would always say ask your mom.”  Jasper grins.  Bellamy raises his eyebrows but doesn’t react and Jasper laughs clapping him on the back and they walk together to the wall.

+

Clarke jolts as Bellamy snaps his fingers in front of her face.  “You okay?”  He asks looking at her, eyebrows creased.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”  She says rubbing her eyes.

“Because I said your name five times and you didn’t hear me.”  He sits on a stump near her and looks at her expectantly.

“Theo was on fourth watch last night and stubbed his toe, he thought it might be broken so he woke me up and then Marcus wasn’t waking up for fifth watch so I took it for him since I was already awake.”  Clarke explains glowering across the camp where Marcus was sitting at one of the makeshift tables.  

“You got woken up for a stubbed toe?”  Bellamy looks disgusted almost.  “How often does that happen?”  Clarke laughs humorlessly. 

“Every night practically.  The other day it was Evan because he kept coughing and he thought he had the plague, then a couple nights ago it was Cassandra after she got scratched on a rock and thought it was infected.”  Clarke sighs closing her eyes and resting her head on her hands.  “I love them, but sometimes I really hate them.”  Bellamy nods to himself then stands on the stump he’d been sitting on.

“Hey, listen up!”  He calls in a deep voice.  The people nearest quiet down and nudge their friends and soon the whole camp is watching him.  “Clarke is not your mother.  You don’t go to her with a bruise, or with a scratch, she has her own jobs to do and she has to heal all of us idiots who get hurt.”  There were a few chuckles at that.  “No more waking up our medic at three am because you coughed.  You wait until morning.  Unless you don’t think you’ll live that long, in which case you wake me up and I make the call whether you need Clarke.”  He stares them all down.  “Understood?”  There’s a murmuring of assent and Bellamy nods jumping off the stump, fingers trailing across Clarke’s back as he passes her on the way to the wall.

“I love it when dad gets protective.”  Jasper murmurs and Monty snorts.

+

“Bellamy!”  Clarke snaps striding over to him and grabbing his shirt yanking him away from the group he was talking to.

“What’s wrong?”  He asks backing away farther from the others her matching him step for step.

“Tell me you didn’t sleep with Melissa.”  Her jaw’s clenched, eyes wide and tugging on his shirt.  “Tell me you didn’t sleep with Melissa.”  She repeats enunciating each word harshly and punctuating it with a jab to his chest.

“No!”  He says his face scrunching up.  Clarke sighs in relief and smiles backing away.

“Good.  Don’t.”  She motions to leave him but he grabs her arm tilting his head to the side.

“Why?  Would you be mad if I slept with Melissa?”  The side of his mouth turned up in a smug look.  “Jealous, even?”  Clarke’s eyes widen and she bites back a smirk.

“Jealous?”  He looks at her plainly and she shakes her head at him and grins.  “I’m not jealous.  I’m looking out for you.”  Bellamy’s stance switches from confidence to confusion and Clarke pats him on the arm.  “Melissa was arrested when she was thirteen.  The birth control isn’t implemented until fourteen.  She kept looking at you during dinner last night and I...got concerned.”  She says after a moment.  “Don’t want little Bellamy’s running around now do we?” 

“You’ve talked to the girls about this right?”  He says looking worried suddenly.

“I can think of a couple plants that prevent pregnancy, I’ll take a group out later.” 

“Good.”  He nods looking relieved and she smiles in farewell but he grips her arm again looking at her intently.  “I’m not sleeping with anyone.”  He says urging her to understand.  Clarke bites her lip and removes his arm.

“Neither am I.”  She says quietly.

+

Axe is kneeling on the ground with his left eye swelled shut and he’s clutching his nose that’s streaming blood.  Clarke’s arms are around Marlene who’s crying but there’s still blood on Clarke’s knuckles.  Bellamy did the most damage but Clarke’s the one that found Axe with his knife ghosting over the cheek of an eleven-year-old and she’s the one that swung the first punch.  Bellamy wipes the back of his hand across his mouth smearing the blood downwards and looks to Clarke expectantly and she stands, leaving Marlene with Monty. 

“We’re not delinquents anymore.”  She shouts with a hoarse voice to the camp.  “We’re more than that.  We’ve been starved and beaten and kidnapped but we always come back.  And we always come back together.”  She looks at them imploringly.  “We take care of each other.  No one in the world, no grounder or mountain man or reaper no one will understand what we’ve been through.  We need to protect each other.”  Bellamy hauls Axe up to his feet and hands him off to Miller as Monty walks Marlene into the dropship and the crowd disperses as the spectacle ends. 

“Clarke gives an inspirational speech, must be Wednesday.”  Bellamy overhears Jasper saying to Raven and he scuffs him across the back of his head when he passes.  Clarke’s by the wall, waiting for him, and they step off together neither speaking but understanding where they’re going.  They reach a clearing close enough to camp to shout but not where they’ll be overheard.

 “It was bound to happen.”  Clarke says.  “Murphy wasn’t the only bad seed.”

“Did you see the faces of the younger ones when I hit him?”  Bellamy falls to the ground, back against a tree trunk.

“You’re a leader, Bellamy, not their father, not their friend, their leader.  Some of them are just having trouble understanding that.”  He still doesn’t look convince so she kneels to the ground in front of him.  “Hey, it’s better to be feared than loved.” 

“If you can’t be both.”  He murmurs.

“What?” 

“The full quote.”  He looks at her the beginnings of a smile turning up the corners of his mouth.  “The full quote is ‘it’s better to be feared than loved if you can’t be both.’”  He grabs her hand, twisting his around it.  “They fear me and they love you.”  She laces her fingers through his and squeezes gently.

“That’s why we make a good team.”  She whispers.

+

“Monty?”  Clarke asks walking up to him.  “You seen Bellamy?  I found a berry bush about a mile out of a camp and I thought I’d take him out, I think he needs to get away from responsibility for at least an afternoon.”

“No, I haven’t.”  Monty says.  “How is he?  I mean having to deal with Axe can’t have been easy, especially after what happened with Murphy.”  Clarke stares at him jaw slackening before she turns to Jasper who’s standing next to Monty but looking very interested in his knife.

"We told you not to tell anyone!”  She swats him on the arm.

“If you wanted ‘anyone’ to include Monty you should have specified!” He says defensively. 

+

“Hey.”  Clarke nudges Bellamy’s foot with hers.  “I’ve been looking for you.”  He’s alone in the dropship, sitting on the ground with his back against the wall.

“What’s wrong?”  He asks as she sinks down next to him.

“Nothing’s wrong.”  She shrugs.  “I just found a berry bush about a mile out, figured we could have something different for dinner.”

“I'd rather be alone.” He says not looking at her. “You can take a group out.”

Clarke swallows. "I thought maybe it could just be the two of us?”

“Oh.” He pushes himself up. “Okay then.”

“What happened to wanting to be alone?” Her eyes flick over his face.

“You don’t count.” He shrugs not looking at her.

“What?” She asks with a dumb grin on her face.

“I don’t have to tell you what to do. I don’t have to take care of you, you don’t ask me questions every five seconds. When I’m with you, I feel like there's no one else there, no one bothering."

“Bellamy?” She murmurs.

“Yeah?” He looks up and they’re so close he can see an outline of a scar on her nose.

“Can I kiss you?”                                                                                  


End file.
